I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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