you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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