Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
