His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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