I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
