Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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