I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
