That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
