I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize