I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
