There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
