The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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