1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize