His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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