shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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