True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
