and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
