Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
