I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
