And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
