I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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