He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
