Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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