i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i already hear my dad disowning me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
