You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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