Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
