Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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