I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
