walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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