3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize