ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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