I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
