At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
