my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
