Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
