Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
