So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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