My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We talked him into tasing himself.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
