i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
