Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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