i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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