Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
