I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
