the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
