dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
barbara walters just said penis...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
