at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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