Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
