i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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