did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
