Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
