so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
