so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tornado booty call.. dedication
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
