I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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