theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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