dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
