All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
