You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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