She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
this boner is exhausting
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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