This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
it's like heaven, but drunker
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
