At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
