I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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