he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
