i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
