i think my mom watched the whole time
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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