She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
