new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
