I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
