I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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