My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
