he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
